Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
