it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
