guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize