It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
