Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
