roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
