Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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