nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
