Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize