Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you never un-have a 4some
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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