the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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