she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
