you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
