Need sex. Gaining weight.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
