hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
