Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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