Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover

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(770): View more from Georgia

she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.

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(845): View more from New York

You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.

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(654): View more from

And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.

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(480): View more from Arizona

My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.

(908): View more from New Jersey

Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....

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