if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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