Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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