did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
