He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
