He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
