I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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