i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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