I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
