last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
