Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
