meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
