And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize