I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
