Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We left the knife in your bed.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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