two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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