Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
