My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize