he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
