New invention idea: vibrating tampons
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
