Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
