I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
