Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
