Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
