I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
