my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
