I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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