Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
