He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize