I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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