I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
