She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
