Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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