I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
