i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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