We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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