naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
