I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
