haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
