I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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