Got a toothbrush?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
