Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
