is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
