Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My vagina is officially offended.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
