weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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