I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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