I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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