i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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