I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
