and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
