My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
