I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Randomize
