Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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