If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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