so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
COCAINE IS GR8
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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