It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
