I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
