I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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