I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
